now, when i say this, i dont mean they are weird in that they teach different things. not at all, the mormon church is the same where ever you go. but the differences are more subtle, like their attitudes about certain things or ideas. many people would disagree, but i think its true. even predominant themes in the church are taken to huge extremes here.
case in point: as mormons, we really value the family and most women choose to be stay at home moms, at least for part of their lives. but nowhere is there any sort of teaching that forbids working women/mothers-rather, that is a decision left to the individual and the family.
however, a few weeks ago we had stake conference, a sort of district church meeting, where this doctrine was totally skewed. this is what was said: "a woman who has a million degrees but no children or family at the end of her life has nothing compared to the woman who can take pride in raising 5, 6, 7, 8 children." the guy speaking piqued my interest with his comments, but i tried to wait before being insulted for any sort of balancing remark such as "this applies to anyone who puts careers ahead of family" or "i say women because i was just speaking about mothers" but nothing like that came. it made no sense in the context, but i thought maybe he was just unprepared so it came out weird.
either way though, it was insulting! why, you might ask? because not only is an education important for women, the statement doesnt take into consideration the women who cant have children or who dont find the guy for them, and who doesnt want to sit at home doing nothing for their entire life. not to mention, everyone knows that earthly wealth isnt gonna chill with you in heaven, and we believe the only things you are gonna be able to keep past this life in family and knowledge. so explain to me again, how a woman with a degree(s) is screwed?
these are the kinds of comments frequently made about mormon women, by mormon men and women alike, in utah. but ive never heard such awful interpretations anywhere else. when i was in middle school in wa, noone there ever insinuated that women shouldnt go to college, and i certainly never heard the sentiment that women should only stay home and have babies in ca. it is so frustrating, to feel like people admire your desire to go to law school, but oh you arent gonna work afterwards right, cuz you have been married to two years already and in 2 more years you should definitely be working on babies.
no, actually.
im gonna work.
AND have babies.
you judge me, and ill punch you.
kidding. maybe.
8 comments:
Circumstances. That's my belief. Everyone's situation is different.....I hate generalized things like That. That's totally Utah......i don't get It either.
Totally agree, Alex!
I love it! I'll punch people for you.
(Introduction: this is Jarom's wife who was so furious and indignant after he described this situation to me that I had to make my views known. Hi.)
I find it absolutely shocking that someone would say this over the pulpit. To make such sweeping generalizations is not only doctrinally unsound, it's dangerous to the listeners. I spent a good portion of the last few years feeling like I was obligated to have a lot of kids even though, quite frankly, kids are not my thing, and feeling guilty for not finishing my undergraduate degree before I did have a baby. You know what? Jarom helped me realize that nowhere does the Church say, "Stay home and make babies. Do nothing else. Ever." In fact, they emphasize the importance of education, particularly for women, because it adds to their roles as mothers.
Another issue: what is that uneducated mother supposed to do with her life once her children are grown up and moved out? Do you know how long the average American woman's life span is? Plenty long enough to enjoy a full career (or series of hobbies, or retirement, or even second life) after her children are adults. I, for one, have no interest in watching soap operas or quilting all day, now or at any point in my life. At the moment I'm making a big mistake, according to your speaker, because in addition to having two kids I'm taking classes full-time and once my kids are both in elementary school I'm going to go to law school too. And have a career.
In doing so I firmly believe I can be a faithful member of the Church AND a good mother. I refuse to feel cultural pressure (from inside or outside Mormondom) to stay at home for the rest of my life. I love being home with my kids right now - they'ree tons of fun (and tons of work). But they won't always be little and I think the bigger mistake would be to spend my later years being idle.
The end.
hi jaroms wife! im gonna tell you right now, i heart you.
thank you thank you!
i have felt like so many people think im some man hater who despises her leaders and is too wrapped up in herself to understand the "gospel principle" that was being taught. WRONG! i completely understand the gospel principle that SHOULD have been taught, but that was completely morphed into a monstrosity.
im glad you were shocked-i was too! im sure you have heard about some of the law school sexist drama, and noone really understand hos prevalent that kind of perspective is in the mormon bubble. people arent really getting it when i say "utah mormon"-its not just the people who have lived here their whole lives, its how utah turns mormons. somehow the huge congregation of mormons makes it suddenly ok for people to say stupid things, because we all think the same right? and suddenly things get spun weird ways and there is no unspinning it because every person in the community heard it and now believes it cuz it came out of the bishops mouth so it must be doctrine and heaven forbid someone says enough already!
i totally respect those people who choose to stay at home, my mom did it most of my childhood. but she had a bachelors. and she got her masters when i was 5. maybe i feel particularly sensitive about this being in law school, but holy crap dude, keep that sexist junk to yourself, and shut your hole and stick to the actual doctrine when speaking in any sort of church representative capacity. it clearly is a problem, and has affected many peoples views on the "role" of women, since so many people are defending his words and justifying the same kind of speech from other people over the pulpit.
GAH!!
Word.
(I meant to elaborate on how such misinterpretations of doctrine are dangerous - I think listeners can confuse the issue and they'll think there's no need to get an education, or they'll feel guilty for whatever path they've already chosen. I don't have a problem with talks that make us feel godly sorrow for our sins, but decisions like how much education to get, how many kids to have or even WHETHER to have kids at all - no speaker should make the congregation as a whole feel guilty over decisions like those!)
Way more important than whether you are going to have a career at home or in the out-of-home workplace is whether you are going to have eternal life. Here's the Good News about God's free gift of eternal life, from the Bible: www.crcmin.org/PDFs/FathersPlan06e.pdf
good thing we mormons believe in eternal life :)
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