the good mormon wife

i have been in utah for a while now, thanks to my being in college here, and i still refuse to say i "live" here.  this is not my domicile, thank you very much. this is due to many things, but first and foremost, the fact that utah mormons are weird.  i should know.  ive been mormon all my life, and lived here both as a child and as an adult.  

now, when i say this, i dont mean they are weird in that they teach different things.  not at all, the mormon church is the same where ever you go.  but the differences are more subtle, like their attitudes about certain things or ideas.  many people would disagree, but i think its true. even predominant themes in the church are taken to huge extremes here.  

case in point: as mormons, we really value the family and most women choose to be stay at home moms, at least for part of their lives.  but nowhere is there any sort of teaching that forbids working women/mothers-rather, that is a decision left to the individual and the family.

however, a few weeks ago we had stake conference, a sort of district church meeting, where this doctrine was totally skewed.  this is what was said:  "a woman who has a million degrees but no children or family at the end of her life has nothing compared to the woman who can take pride in raising 5, 6, 7, 8 children." the guy speaking piqued my interest with his comments, but i tried to wait before being insulted for any sort of balancing remark such as "this applies to anyone who puts careers ahead of family" or "i say women because i was just speaking about mothers" but nothing like that came.  it made no sense in the context, but i thought maybe he was just unprepared so it came out weird.  

either way though, it was insulting!  why, you might ask? because not only is an education important for women, the statement doesnt take into consideration the women who cant have children or who dont find the guy for them, and who doesnt want to sit at home doing nothing for their entire life. not to mention, everyone knows that earthly wealth isnt gonna  chill with you in heaven, and we believe the only things you are gonna be able to keep past this life in family and knowledge.  so explain to me again, how a woman with a degree(s) is screwed?  

these are the kinds of comments frequently made about mormon women, by mormon men and women alike, in utah. but ive never heard such awful interpretations anywhere else.  when i was in middle school in wa, noone there ever insinuated that women shouldnt go to college, and i certainly never heard the sentiment that women should only stay home and have babies in ca.  it is so frustrating, to feel like people admire your desire to go to law school, but oh you arent gonna work afterwards right, cuz you have been married to two years already and in 2 more years you should definitely be working on babies.

no, actually.

im gonna work.

AND have babies. 

you judge me, and ill punch you.

kidding. maybe.

still in the closet

when you think about alex, what do you think?  gnarly, rad, and dude?  beanies and snowboards? skate shoes and hoodies? if thats not what you are thinking, im not exactly sure who you think i am. but yes, im not super girlie or feminine or ladylike.  that shouldnt surprise you at all.  

but i have a secret...i kind of like to scrapbook.... 

gah!  i said it outloud!  alot of you know that i used to work for a scrapbook company called Close to my Heart, but i kind of tried to keep that fact that i was secretly thrilled to work there and get my hands on some paper on the dl.  

its kind of bad.

as a closet crafter, i dont usually announce to the world that i have a stash of paper and stamps hiding in my closet.  but i do.  

and i busted them out the other day. 

i made some cards!

ignore my dryer in the background :)

finals week

you thought law school made you smarter. 

it doesnt.

prayers for seth

tomorrow my little brother is having surgery.

seth was born with a cleft lip and palate-a condition where a babys mouth doesnt fully form, creating a gap through the lip and upper jaw, and leaving an open hole where the roof of his mouth should be.

he had a million surgeries when he was a baby but hasnt needed one since he was about 8.  he has always been so brave and as his big sister, i always thought he was perfect the way he was even without surgery.

all of his surgeries have gone fabulously, and we have been so blessed to have such caring and capable doctors and surgeons who have loved him and performed the surgeries with excellent skill.  tomorrow will hopefully be no different.

basically, the procedure is meant to adjust his mouth for his growth.  seth is 16 years old now so its totally understandable that he needs some growing room!  the surgeries that they did on the roof of his mouth has created alot of scar tissue that doesnt grow and the tension is causing the roof of his mouth to collapse and in the process is pulling his teeth inwards.  but for the retainer he wears with a fake tooth on it, his teeth and mouth would have been in far worse condition.

the procedure is super scary for us-they basically cut open his top jaw down the middle, put in an expander to hold the jaw apart, and stitch the skin closed, leaving a gap in the cut bone over the roof of his mouth.  over the following 8 weeks, the drs hope the bone with heal itself and form the bridge between the two ends, giving seth a wider upper jaw and room for him to grow.  if the bone doesnt grow on its ow, he will need to have a bone graft to help the bone marrow grow, and recovery is another 8 weeks.

please please please keep him in your prayers.  please pray that the doctors have sure hands, and that his body will recover quickly.  he is such a stud-so brave and strong and i admire him so much for choosing to have this sooner rather than later, and confronting his fears head on.

thankful turkey

in my family, every november was marked by the creation of a paper bag turkey, complete with construction paper feathers and a head that took far too much effort.  we stuff this turkey and on thanksgiving, we rip it open and destuff it.  of course, this isnt ordinary stuffing-its tons of little bits of paper, scribbled with the things we are most thankful for (usually this also includes drawings, to add to the horror of the person who drew it out).

 since getting married, i have insisted on doing a thankful turkey with brian, though i constantly have to remind him or else it will only be fun of the things im grateful for.this was last years turkey.  yes, that is scrapbook paper for feathers, yes, i am a closet paper junkie.  dont judge.

so since we had thanksgiving with my family this year, and were totally out of town, we just tore this puppy-er, turkey-up tonight, and i wanted to share with you some of the things that we are grateful for:

a nice apartment

snow (twice by brian, once by me)

a husband who makes me take care of myself

a wife who goes to the store for me

family

a fabulous family in law

my wife (brian put that in twice, that stinker)

a husband who makes sure im safe driving in the snow

good gluten free food (i put that in twice-apparently im REALLY thankful for it!)

prayer

revelation

forgiveness and the atonement

the gospel

friends who invite us over for dinner

these are just a few things we are thankful for this year, and i hope that you guys have all been able to reflect on your blessings as well.  

i know one thing:

im thankful for YOU!

do doo, do-do doo, do DI, do doo.....

harry potter is out!!!!! eeeeee!!!!! in celebration, i am gonna share with you this little gem.

the BYU bell tower, which chimes every hour, got harry potter fever too, and it made up for the fact that i didnt get to see the movie at midnight, or yesterday, or today, or any time on the horizon.

a poppy for my poppy

happy veterans day!

i think almost everyone knows someone who is or was in the military. but i dont think most people have actually told those soldiers and veterans that they are appreciated. today is the day to do it. in honor of the veterans who have fought, protected and sacrificed for our freedoms, wear a poppy today.

today is a special day for me. my dad is a veteran and, coincidentally, as a kid i called him "poppy." in high school, i wrote a paper about my dad which my mom recently discovered and emailed to me. because of the occasion, and the nature of the paper, i think its fitting and i hope you can join me in honoring him and other veterans like him today. (sorry its long, and remember it was HS so its not my best work:))

The Gulf War

with Scott Konopasek

All my life, I’ve respected my dad. To me, he was a hero who risked his life for his country and who had a bunch of cool army gear. I never knew how close I really was. During this interview, I learned a lot about my dad: how he felt during the Gulf War and how he feels now and how his life has changed because of it. To think, my dad was a vital part of the end of the Gulf War.

Scott Oliver Konopasek, during his service in the army, attained the rank of captain and worked in Army Intelligence. After being stationed in Red Bank, NJ and Fort Huachuca, AZ, he and his family moved to Giessen, Germany, where he and every other American troop trained to fight in the Cold War against communism in Russia. After serving there for four years, the Konopasek family was eagerly awaiting Scott’s call to reassign to the U.S. for him to attend graduate school. Unfortunately, his assignment to Desert Storm came first.

With the official title of Assistant Regimental Intelligence Officer of the Second Armored Calvary Regiment, Scott became the man with a mission. His unit was nicknamed the “Tip of the Armored Spear” because they were the first of the armored forces to cross over enemy lines. Their unit mission was to conduct reconnaissance ahead of the main armored forces to find and engage the Iraqi Republican Guard. Scott’s personal mission was to analyze the battlefield information to figure out where the Republican Guard was located and to activate troops to that location. When his regiment located the Republican Guard, it was the major Iraqi defeat that was the turning point of the war. Despite his accomplishments during the Gulf War, Scott retired just a few years after the war ended.

When the reassignment to the Gulf came in, Scott and his family was just about to leave again for the States. Scott describes his feelings about his sudden call to war as “not happy” for a couple of reasons. He feels that he had earned the opportunity to return to the U.S. after four years of over-seas training to go to graduate school to further his education and earn his masters degree. He also did not want to go because of his personal opinions against the war. Though these feelings did not change at all during the course of the war, Scott persisted in his duties as a soldier.

“War is never a good thing,” says Scott about his opinion of war in general. Part of the reason he says his feelings were so negative is because of the sudden change from his training to his assignment. Trained to help fight in the Cold War against communism, he was mentally prepared to fight in a war that threatened his freedoms and rights as an American. However, he feels that instead, he was told to fight in a war for economics and oil. This is not what the then-President George Bush Sr. said. Nevertheless, Scott maintains his opinion that oil was the ulterior motive for both Desert Storm and Operation Iraqi Freedom.

Scott also finds that the war has changed the way he looks at life. He says he now realizes just how valuable life really is, and perhaps consequently, does not receive adrenaline rushes from thrill seeking anymore. He also refuses to use any kind of chemical, including lawn fertilizers, because of his multiple exposures to chemical weapons. Lastly, he has changed the way he approaches the idea of joining the Army. When his children were younger, says Scott, he would always talk about the Army academy and how well his kids would do there. But after the war, he decided he wasn’t going to encourage them to do so unless it was their own desire because he didn’t want his children to go through and see everything that he had seen. In doing so, he also changed his career aspirations to give his children a chance to decide for themselves.

In the last several years, there has been some very successful war movie productions done in Hollywood fashion. These, Scott says, are nothing compared to the real thing. Movies end and life goes on and if you don’t like it, you can get up and walk out. But true war is not so simple, for you cannot just leave when it gets too hard or gruesome. “In movies, you only see and hear the war. When you are actually at war, you also smell it, feel it, sleep it, it gets into your skin and it becomes part of you,” says Scott, whose little portable radio still carries some Iraqi sand inside of it.

When asked what kinds of emotions he felt when actually in war, Scott said that he was surprised that there was only one true emotion that stood out to him as being a prominent emotion that he felt. It was “empathy and sadness for the Iraqi people that were mostly just innocent people, who were just doing their jobs just like [him],” and he explained that he felt for their families and knew what they were going through. But mostly, it was just one minute at a time, taking every minute at a time and not looking forward to the next minute until the last one was over with. He uses a warm can of Pepsi to illustrate his point: “In war, you are reduced to the very basics. A hot can of Pepsi, when you are in the desert, becomes the most important thing to happen to you in your week. To have the opportunity to take a shower and wash all the dust from war off of you...to just feel clean, those become the important things. I know it sounds like a cliche but you really appreciate all the things you really have. All the things you would be complaining about at home become your greatest blessings when you don’t have them to take for granted.” This experience, he says, has taught him that he can overcome any hardship if he wants to.

As for the obvious question; “Yes, I did know some people who died...no one who was under my command at the time but four men that had been under me previously were killed...I was very happy that there were so few casualties and that made it easier to deal with the casualties there were.” Besides some small pieces of memorabilia, Scott kept two things from his service in Desert Storm: his holster that he wore all day every day for the seven months he was in the desert, and a duffel bag, one of two that held all of his belongings for those long seven months. To him, it represents his life and he’s “not yet ready to part with it.” My dad has always been my hero because he fought for the country he loved even though he didn’t necessarily believe in what it was doing at the time. He was still a soldier and he did his duty honorably and willingly. This is the only time he has ever answered my questions fully and answered any question I had about the war. At the end, he told me he loved me and that I was the only one who knew so much about his experiences in war other than my mother. Until I did this interview with him, I never knew how much I didn’t understand how much he loved his kids. We were the reasons why he got out of the Army and the reasons why he did it in the first place.