Monday, July 2, 2012

(stress) ball of popcorn

it has been a really long time since i last posted.  Sorry about that, but im sure you didn’t miss me too much-my ranting about law school got lame after 2 years, i know.

i have a lot i could say about this last year of school, but ill leave that for another time.  if thats what you came here for, you probably need to see someone about that.

nope, right now all i can think about is the perfectly salted stove popped popcorn im stuffing into my mouth.  by the handful. im going to need to clean this keyboard in a minute. i love popcorn. its my coping mechanism.  what, lame you say?  i still love ice cream and chocolate, don’t get me wrong, and the sheer quantity of popcorn i consume is just as unhealthy.  but i know when im honing my finer skill of freaking out when i increase my weekly popcorn intake from 2 times a week to 5 or 6. especially when i consider popcorn lunch and dessert.  oops.

and freak out i am, considering the bar is only a few weeks away.  im hoping i die of a popcorn-induced coma by then. ill avoid the bar, and die happy. two birds, one kernel.

but besides my current stress level exceeding the medically recommended dosage, i had a chance a few weeks ago to unwind with some friends and reflect on where i am in life.  i once had this really ridiculous laugh.  seriously.  ridiculous. so ridiculous that people would record it and laugh at it. but i had forgotten what that laugh sounded like.  yes, i guffaw daily and am inclined to smile at everything, but this uncontrollable, glass shattering, bubbling giggle i have doesn’t appear often.  i have a couple of ideas why, and now im working on them.

in case you were wondering, bar study does not induce this kind of laughter. more like the signature eyeroll.

thanks to popcorn and a sore laugh box, im trying to get back to me.  trying to more authentic to alex. i worry too much now.  law school took all the nonchalant, lowend mediocrity, don’t give a shit that i acquired in college and turned it into an uptight, frayed ended, worry wart.  and i don’t like that.  be honest, you don’t either. im working on being me again.  being too loud sometimes, too talkative all the time, and maybe a tiny bit too carefree. ok, not too much. just a little. teensy bit. fine, ill be happy if i can just be carefree some times.

if you saw me in this stress ball state and you went to law school with me, i hope you don’t recognize me next time we meet. if you saw me like this and you didn’t go to law school with me, sorry. law school does horrible things.