destined to be plus sized

Yesterday, I went pants shopping. No only could I not find anything that WASN’T a skinny jean, but nothing fit. At all. I got in my car and cried. Then I went home and ate pecan-carmel turtles.

Actually, I got in my car, cried to myself, cried to my husband, cried to my mom, lamented the fact that Ive already pared down the food triangle to a trapezoid, bemoaned the fewer than 1500 calories I eat a day, and shook my fist at my well planned daily work out.

THEN I ate the turtles.

This is how I solve my weight problem.

for the love of sports

In the last few years, I have learned a couple things regarding my relationship with sports:

1. I may not particularly like [read this, "I may utterly dislike"] the

atmosphere/99% of the people at byu, but I LOVE byu sports. This might be because byu athletics [usually] gives me a reason to be proud of my alumus status; and though they sometimes fall short when it is critical that they perform, I have a deep love for byu sports. Akin to my love of the jazz, seahawks, sharks, and mariners/angels.

2. I am a rabid sports fan in general. I realized this was a little different from most girls when I would spend my saturdays watching multiple football games, when I follow every game for march madness even without a bracket, I insist on recording every part of the olympics, and I am willing to listen to am radio to hear a game in the event I don’t get the tv broadcast and cant find it streaming. I will never be the wife/mother who refuses to allow sports on sundays; I will be the one who throws a superbowl party and buys an unhealthy amount of food to ensure full enjoyability.

While I shouldn’t have been so surprised by this epiphany, considering ive always loved sports, I have realized that an interest has turned into rabid fanaticism.

And, in commemoration of a 17 year first round losing steak….

Rah rah rahrahrah, rah rah rahrahrah goooOOOOO COUGARS!

fatty mcfatterson

A few months ago, I was happy to note that I had not gained any weight since the wedding. Then, my scale did an evil thing. It decided to add 10 pounds. Either my scale was just freaking out and showing the wrong number, or it had been freaking out and showing me the wrong number for the last year and it has finally gone sane again and showed my real [fatty] weight. So between deciding to be gluten-free again and my sudden realization that I weighed about as much as a fat porpoise, I deduced it would be a good time to go to the gym. recently ive been working out quite a lot. Like 4 times a week, a lot. That is how determined I am to be the size of a trim porpoise. Between that and eating rabbit food every day for the last almost 3 months, I had decided a reasonable amount of weight to lose in that time is 5 lbs. Trying not to get my hopes up too much right? WRONG. I have lost no pounds, let alone 5. I have lost no inches either. Lame huh? My mother and my husband say that they can see that ive toned up a bit, particularly in my stomach area, but I feel delusional when I think I look more fit. This is a problem. Not because I feel like I havent lost any weight regardless of how much ive worked out or how much lettuce ive consumed. But because I feel bad about myself, even though I should be happy by the effort ive made, and the fact that im [relatively] healthy. I feel like I look huge, even though im know im actually not. But its hard not to feel depressed when your jeans wear thin in the crotch area from your legs rubbing together, or the fact that you happen to wear the largest size in the store if you decided to buy a reasonably well fitting size that doesn’t result in muffin top. I guess I can just be happy that my husband likes my badonkadonk butt and keep eating healthily and hope that I shrink horizontally.

I wish there was a way for my self-esteem to work out with my fat.

infected with dorkitis

holy crap. february was a BUSY month. i dont know about you, but for me, the older i get, the faster time goes...i was hoping my second 20 years would go as slowly as my first 20, but so far, thats not happening. at this rate, ill be looking at 36 waaaaaay fast than 16, i swear.

first of all, still gluten free. getting more frustrating as social events begin to pop up but oh well...ill just have to shed a tear every time someone suggests we go for pizza.

second-i actually made it onto a team that i tried out for! no no, i didnt suddenly become athletic. but i am i nerd of the highest degree...i made it onto the trial advocacy team! basically, its like a mock trial where you have witnesses and you try to argue your case-there is no "winner" but you go to the next round based on your individual score-and i made it to quarter finals! super stoked but super surprised as well. law and order, here i come.

thirdly, i have completely and unapologetically embarrassed all of my middle school classmates this month. see, my best friend lisa decided that she wanted me to post an old and emabarrassing picture of myself as my facebook profile picture. so she proceeded to send me a bunch of horrendous pictures. not just a few, but her whole collection of pictures from middle school, most of which featured my awkwardness but quite a few that featured other peoples awkwardnesses as well. now i have gotten some flack for this, but i dont care.

i mean, if we did THIS at my wedding....

then why should they be embarrassed by THIS????

thats what i thought.