still in the closet

when you think about alex, what do you think?  gnarly, rad, and dude?  beanies and snowboards? skate shoes and hoodies? if thats not what you are thinking, im not exactly sure who you think i am. but yes, im not super girlie or feminine or ladylike.  that shouldnt surprise you at all.  

but i have a secret...i kind of like to scrapbook.... 

gah!  i said it outloud!  alot of you know that i used to work for a scrapbook company called Close to my Heart, but i kind of tried to keep that fact that i was secretly thrilled to work there and get my hands on some paper on the dl.  

its kind of bad.

as a closet crafter, i dont usually announce to the world that i have a stash of paper and stamps hiding in my closet.  but i do.  

and i busted them out the other day. 

i made some cards!

ignore my dryer in the background :)

finals week

you thought law school made you smarter. 

it doesnt.

prayers for seth

tomorrow my little brother is having surgery.

seth was born with a cleft lip and palate-a condition where a babys mouth doesnt fully form, creating a gap through the lip and upper jaw, and leaving an open hole where the roof of his mouth should be.

he had a million surgeries when he was a baby but hasnt needed one since he was about 8.  he has always been so brave and as his big sister, i always thought he was perfect the way he was even without surgery.

all of his surgeries have gone fabulously, and we have been so blessed to have such caring and capable doctors and surgeons who have loved him and performed the surgeries with excellent skill.  tomorrow will hopefully be no different.

basically, the procedure is meant to adjust his mouth for his growth.  seth is 16 years old now so its totally understandable that he needs some growing room!  the surgeries that they did on the roof of his mouth has created alot of scar tissue that doesnt grow and the tension is causing the roof of his mouth to collapse and in the process is pulling his teeth inwards.  but for the retainer he wears with a fake tooth on it, his teeth and mouth would have been in far worse condition.

the procedure is super scary for us-they basically cut open his top jaw down the middle, put in an expander to hold the jaw apart, and stitch the skin closed, leaving a gap in the cut bone over the roof of his mouth.  over the following 8 weeks, the drs hope the bone with heal itself and form the bridge between the two ends, giving seth a wider upper jaw and room for him to grow.  if the bone doesnt grow on its ow, he will need to have a bone graft to help the bone marrow grow, and recovery is another 8 weeks.

please please please keep him in your prayers.  please pray that the doctors have sure hands, and that his body will recover quickly.  he is such a stud-so brave and strong and i admire him so much for choosing to have this sooner rather than later, and confronting his fears head on.

thankful turkey

in my family, every november was marked by the creation of a paper bag turkey, complete with construction paper feathers and a head that took far too much effort.  we stuff this turkey and on thanksgiving, we rip it open and destuff it.  of course, this isnt ordinary stuffing-its tons of little bits of paper, scribbled with the things we are most thankful for (usually this also includes drawings, to add to the horror of the person who drew it out).

 since getting married, i have insisted on doing a thankful turkey with brian, though i constantly have to remind him or else it will only be fun of the things im grateful for.this was last years turkey.  yes, that is scrapbook paper for feathers, yes, i am a closet paper junkie.  dont judge.

so since we had thanksgiving with my family this year, and were totally out of town, we just tore this puppy-er, turkey-up tonight, and i wanted to share with you some of the things that we are grateful for:

a nice apartment

snow (twice by brian, once by me)

a husband who makes me take care of myself

a wife who goes to the store for me

family

a fabulous family in law

my wife (brian put that in twice, that stinker)

a husband who makes sure im safe driving in the snow

good gluten free food (i put that in twice-apparently im REALLY thankful for it!)

prayer

revelation

forgiveness and the atonement

the gospel

friends who invite us over for dinner

these are just a few things we are thankful for this year, and i hope that you guys have all been able to reflect on your blessings as well.  

i know one thing:

im thankful for YOU!

do doo, do-do doo, do DI, do doo.....

harry potter is out!!!!! eeeeee!!!!! in celebration, i am gonna share with you this little gem.

the BYU bell tower, which chimes every hour, got harry potter fever too, and it made up for the fact that i didnt get to see the movie at midnight, or yesterday, or today, or any time on the horizon.

a poppy for my poppy

happy veterans day!

i think almost everyone knows someone who is or was in the military. but i dont think most people have actually told those soldiers and veterans that they are appreciated. today is the day to do it. in honor of the veterans who have fought, protected and sacrificed for our freedoms, wear a poppy today.

today is a special day for me. my dad is a veteran and, coincidentally, as a kid i called him "poppy." in high school, i wrote a paper about my dad which my mom recently discovered and emailed to me. because of the occasion, and the nature of the paper, i think its fitting and i hope you can join me in honoring him and other veterans like him today. (sorry its long, and remember it was HS so its not my best work:))

The Gulf War

with Scott Konopasek

All my life, I’ve respected my dad. To me, he was a hero who risked his life for his country and who had a bunch of cool army gear. I never knew how close I really was. During this interview, I learned a lot about my dad: how he felt during the Gulf War and how he feels now and how his life has changed because of it. To think, my dad was a vital part of the end of the Gulf War.

Scott Oliver Konopasek, during his service in the army, attained the rank of captain and worked in Army Intelligence. After being stationed in Red Bank, NJ and Fort Huachuca, AZ, he and his family moved to Giessen, Germany, where he and every other American troop trained to fight in the Cold War against communism in Russia. After serving there for four years, the Konopasek family was eagerly awaiting Scott’s call to reassign to the U.S. for him to attend graduate school. Unfortunately, his assignment to Desert Storm came first.

With the official title of Assistant Regimental Intelligence Officer of the Second Armored Calvary Regiment, Scott became the man with a mission. His unit was nicknamed the “Tip of the Armored Spear” because they were the first of the armored forces to cross over enemy lines. Their unit mission was to conduct reconnaissance ahead of the main armored forces to find and engage the Iraqi Republican Guard. Scott’s personal mission was to analyze the battlefield information to figure out where the Republican Guard was located and to activate troops to that location. When his regiment located the Republican Guard, it was the major Iraqi defeat that was the turning point of the war. Despite his accomplishments during the Gulf War, Scott retired just a few years after the war ended.

When the reassignment to the Gulf came in, Scott and his family was just about to leave again for the States. Scott describes his feelings about his sudden call to war as “not happy” for a couple of reasons. He feels that he had earned the opportunity to return to the U.S. after four years of over-seas training to go to graduate school to further his education and earn his masters degree. He also did not want to go because of his personal opinions against the war. Though these feelings did not change at all during the course of the war, Scott persisted in his duties as a soldier.

“War is never a good thing,” says Scott about his opinion of war in general. Part of the reason he says his feelings were so negative is because of the sudden change from his training to his assignment. Trained to help fight in the Cold War against communism, he was mentally prepared to fight in a war that threatened his freedoms and rights as an American. However, he feels that instead, he was told to fight in a war for economics and oil. This is not what the then-President George Bush Sr. said. Nevertheless, Scott maintains his opinion that oil was the ulterior motive for both Desert Storm and Operation Iraqi Freedom.

Scott also finds that the war has changed the way he looks at life. He says he now realizes just how valuable life really is, and perhaps consequently, does not receive adrenaline rushes from thrill seeking anymore. He also refuses to use any kind of chemical, including lawn fertilizers, because of his multiple exposures to chemical weapons. Lastly, he has changed the way he approaches the idea of joining the Army. When his children were younger, says Scott, he would always talk about the Army academy and how well his kids would do there. But after the war, he decided he wasn’t going to encourage them to do so unless it was their own desire because he didn’t want his children to go through and see everything that he had seen. In doing so, he also changed his career aspirations to give his children a chance to decide for themselves.

In the last several years, there has been some very successful war movie productions done in Hollywood fashion. These, Scott says, are nothing compared to the real thing. Movies end and life goes on and if you don’t like it, you can get up and walk out. But true war is not so simple, for you cannot just leave when it gets too hard or gruesome. “In movies, you only see and hear the war. When you are actually at war, you also smell it, feel it, sleep it, it gets into your skin and it becomes part of you,” says Scott, whose little portable radio still carries some Iraqi sand inside of it.

When asked what kinds of emotions he felt when actually in war, Scott said that he was surprised that there was only one true emotion that stood out to him as being a prominent emotion that he felt. It was “empathy and sadness for the Iraqi people that were mostly just innocent people, who were just doing their jobs just like [him],” and he explained that he felt for their families and knew what they were going through. But mostly, it was just one minute at a time, taking every minute at a time and not looking forward to the next minute until the last one was over with. He uses a warm can of Pepsi to illustrate his point: “In war, you are reduced to the very basics. A hot can of Pepsi, when you are in the desert, becomes the most important thing to happen to you in your week. To have the opportunity to take a shower and wash all the dust from war off of you...to just feel clean, those become the important things. I know it sounds like a cliche but you really appreciate all the things you really have. All the things you would be complaining about at home become your greatest blessings when you don’t have them to take for granted.” This experience, he says, has taught him that he can overcome any hardship if he wants to.

As for the obvious question; “Yes, I did know some people who died...no one who was under my command at the time but four men that had been under me previously were killed...I was very happy that there were so few casualties and that made it easier to deal with the casualties there were.” Besides some small pieces of memorabilia, Scott kept two things from his service in Desert Storm: his holster that he wore all day every day for the seven months he was in the desert, and a duffel bag, one of two that held all of his belongings for those long seven months. To him, it represents his life and he’s “not yet ready to part with it.” My dad has always been my hero because he fought for the country he loved even though he didn’t necessarily believe in what it was doing at the time. He was still a soldier and he did his duty honorably and willingly. This is the only time he has ever answered my questions fully and answered any question I had about the war. At the end, he told me he loved me and that I was the only one who knew so much about his experiences in war other than my mother. Until I did this interview with him, I never knew how much I didn’t understand how much he loved his kids. We were the reasons why he got out of the Army and the reasons why he did it in the first place.

gluten free chewy chocolate chip heaven

the other day, brian told me that he wanted some chocolate chip cookies.  but i cant just make him some when i cant eat any of them.  so of course i had to make some for me.  now that would be easy if i didnt have to worry about, you know, the main ingredient.  thanks, celiac, for allowing wheat to destroy my intestine.

anyways, i have tried alot of variations of chocolate chip cookies-different recipes, different flours, and had all sorts of funny results.  but go figure, the best recipe so far has been my mother-in-laws.  brian loves it because they come out chewy and gooey, and i love it because, besides being chewy, they come out normal. which is just AWESOME.

so recipe down, now what about the flour?  the best mix i have come across so far has been from this cook book, Cooking for Isaiah.  i make it in bulk but ill break it down for the recipe if you dont want to make a huge amount of it.  mmmmm dont those look good?!  sorry for my bad pic, but as you can tell, these cookies dont last too long...

bulk flour:

6 cups rice flour, white or brown
3 cups tapioca flour
1 1/2 cups potato starch
1 tbs salt
2 tbs xanthum gum

brenda's chocolate chip cookies:

1 c. sugar
1 c. brown sugar
1 c. butter, super soft but not melted
2 eggs
3 cups gluten free flour mix (substitute regular flour if you arent gluten free-still fabulous)
(1 3/4 cups rice flour, 3/4 cups tapioca flour, 1/2 c potato starch, 1 tsp xanthum gum)
1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. vanilla
Chocolate chips

Preheat the oven to 350º. Mix sugars, butter and eggs. Then add flour, salt, baking powder, baking soda, vanilla, and as many chocolate chips as you like. Bake for eight minutes, and let cool. cookies will look very under done, but take out when the edges start to turn light brown.

this recipe makes about 4 dozen cookies, and is easily doubled (since this version is actually HALF of my mother-in-laws proportions...)

enjoy!

i hate taxes but...

today i voted.  which is somewhat depressing.  im glad that i have the ability to vote without fearing for my life, but its not like my vote really counts here in utah.  im pretty liberal, and compared to the "tea party" libertarians, im near communist.  so my vote doesnt really mean much in a state that is unwaveringly red.

this will be relevant later.

on a related note, today i realized i have become a california snob.

last night, our landlord came down and gave us the mail key since they are going out of town, and we had the world series on [sounds of celebration].  he didnt know we were giants fans, or even that we were both from califonria, though different parts.  his parting comment? "you guys are good people for being from california."

what the H does that even mean?

apparently people from california are generally awful?  maybe we are generally liberal? generally homeless?  generally high?  no idea.

and then someone i know who recently moved to california for grad school posted something on facebook about:
a) how if a resolution about medical marijuana passed, she was leaving CA,
b) that california didnt need any more hippies,
c) that she as a californian had a vested interest in this, and
d) that californian registered voters were "hipsters."

you are going to think im nuts, but this genuinely annoyed me.  i dunno if it had something to do with the fact that we have always had differences stemming from the fact that i was a liberal west coaster and she wasnt, but now she was calling herself a californian, or the fact that, regardless of your political beliefs, you at least shouldnt be surprised that california has lots of hippies and resolutions about marijuana, or that most californians would be at least mildly offended at being called hipsters.

insert first paragraph relevance here.

id give anything to live in a state when im not surrounded by people who cant see the issues beyond their weird conspiracy theories or where people dont think that life as we know it is ending because there is a black man in office or where people have the ability to understand that taxes are necessary to decrease the deficit.

if you dont like the hippies, maaaaaaaaybe you shouldnt be in california.

and if you dont like marijuana, dont vote for it.

there. my conscience is clear now.  im a california snob.  and i blame it all on the fact that utah is a ridiculous place that is slowing eroding my sanity and ever darkening my blue status.

now im going to go watch the voting results, relieved that christine o'donnell lost, but still trying not to throw the remote at the other obnoxious tea party idiots.

my 24th october

october is the best month ever.  i love summer but i love winter too, and october is the changing of the seasons and leaves and weather.  i love it.

it helps that my birthday is in october.

and i got some SWEET presents this year!  i seriously loved them all, but im going to highlight a few of them, simply because they are sheer awesomeness.  

i have a nickname.  most of your who know me have prolly heard my dad say it a fair number of times, since he rarely calls me by name.  so what does he call me? punkin.  yup.  so there are lots of pumpkins all around mine and my parents house.  so what did my mom buy me? a pumpkin beanie. i might never wear it, but its the thought that counts right?

brian bought me the gift of gender neutrality.  we go camping alot. and i get jealous that i cant stand next to a tree and pee.  so brian made it possible.  he bought me a go girl!  its basically a silicone funnel...so i can pee standing up!  the best gift any girl could get from her husband, right?  oh, come on chicas, we ALL have tried peeing standing up before. if you deny it, you are lying :)

the best present of all came from lisa.  i needed a little personality at my law school carrel, so she bought me a little something. something wiiiIIITTTHHH!!!  a HERRING!  i have my very own kinght of ni now!  he is HUGE and sits at my carrel, keeping me company.  some people have even known who he was without ever asking.  im so proud of my fellow montys! i gave them permission to give him pounds whenever they want.

i got alot of other great things from everyone else-YUMMY sweatpants, a huge bag of skittles [gone], an awesome gf cookbook [see here for my post on it], a HOT guess brand trench coat, a sweet custom T from mar tar, a beautiful and unique pot from south africa, hair rollers [to give me a reason to keep my long hair] and a recycling bin [thanks honey].  

i felt the love, guys. thank you so much. 

happy 24 to me!

just a little friendly competition

at this point in time, i think most of my fellow law students have accepted that we are all aggressive, competitive, type A personalities.

so what better to do that have a friendly competition between us?  ya know, no teeth or claws bared, just a laid back, low stress competition. 

right?

for you non-law nerds, in law school we have several competitive groups. one, trial advocacy, is basically a mini trial setting-you call witnesses, introduce evidence, make opening and closing arguments, etc. the other, moot court, is a hybrid-you write a brief on an assigned issue and then argue it, simulating an appellate court. both of these are done in front of judges who are actual practitioners, and afterwards they give you feedback and scores and you could potentially move on to the next round. 

i happen to be on both teams.

this last week was the trial ad competition.  the case was a criminal case involving bank robbery, and the first elimination included two rounds and went from 45ish people down to 16.  

our first round was AWFUL. the judges were whack, our witnesses were a little freaked out, and we forgot a few pieces of evidence.  

the second round was MUCH better.  at first we were assigned to compete against my arch nemesis, but at the last second we were reassigned to compete against some friends of mine who were both on the traveling team so i knew they were good.  we did really well, and it helped that we were being compared to an awesome team.

so the next morning the results were out.  and i was the first alternate.  im pretty sure i read the results twice before i even noticed my name on the sheet.  figuring that noone was gonna drop out, i didnt worry about it.  

until about 4 pm.

thats when i found out that i was in fact competing because my friend had dropped out.  sooo i had to switch sides and compete again.

long story short, my team ended up being alternates for the semi finals.  i was really happy that we did really well, and i hope that it helps me get on the traveling team next year.  but i was even happier that i was able to have a weekend, and keep my sanity.

i swear. i need post traumatic stress counseling.  or a really really long weekend.

daddy-o, quit your day job

my dad is rad, did you know?

not only was he a captain in the army, a two time cancer survivor, or king of the grill, but he is a master craftsman.

his 6th love (behind his wife, children, politics, mother, and doggies) is wood.  maple, cherry, oak, pine, walnut.  he is more crazy for wood than most normal people are for regular hobbies.

evidence: ever seen this "old yankee workshop"? if not, ive seen enough for everyone. notice the glee on my fathers face while getting the siggy of the show's host-Norm Abrams. he drove two hours just to get him to sign his book.

this works out great for me because that means he makes me fabulous pieces of furniture.

like this gorgeous tv stand.   

the dark wood is walnut and the light is cherry.  the black little door handles are hand carved ebony pieces.

the individual pieces are modular because it is the bottom section of a tansu chest that will [hopefully] be finished later when we have lots more room and less need for a tv stand...

my dad is super gifted and super awesome.  this thing is beautiful and i LOVE it.  im excited to have something that we can hopefully have the rest of our lives and that has way more meaning than an ikea sales piece.  im pretty sure this is the most beautiful free tv stand in the world.

the joy of cooking

my birthday is on monday. yay!  because brians birthday is only 13 days ahead of mine, my parents split the difference and celebrate our birthday together the weekend between the actual days. this means i got most of my presents already!


and i got what i wanted. a new gluten free cookbook!


its called cooking for isaiah, and i discovered it through an article on the aol homepage.  why was i so excited about this? i have several gf cookbooks that im not in love with, so what made this one any different?


the fact that the woman is italian american.


call me crazy, but my great grandmother was pure italian, and i just knew that this book would be more like the kind of cooking i grew up with.  and i have not been disappointed.


well, i say that, but ive only made one thing out of it so far.  but ALL of the recipes look great!  my husband insists im a picky eater-i dont think so!  i just like the style of cooking and food that my mother and grandmother make, and which is how i now cook.  lots of herbs, meat, veggies and starches, and no canned soups or casseroles.  my husband, who grew up on casseroles (with 6 kids and 5 of them hungry, bottom less males, who blames his mother??).  but recipes that use alot of boxed or canned things just dont appeal to me.


im super excited about the idea that i could make some really awesome things that i already know i will like.  and my gluten free bread?  well, the second time around it came out amazing.  lesson-wax paper and parchment paper are def NOT the same...

identity crisis

i survived an emotional crisis yesterday.

actually, ive been fighting this situation for the past two years. and ive succeeded so far.

what is this crisis you ask? it is the crisis of the hair.

i know right? what am i stressin over? uh well, the fact that i officially have the LONGEST hair in either of my families, to be exact.  doesnt that sound like an oxymoron? alex does not equal long hair.  so how did this happen?!

yeah i dont know either.

but both my sisters in law have hacked off their hair and i am J.E.A.L.O.U.S.
i would totally do it in a heartbeat if i knew that i could hack it off and still look professional and get a job.  yesyesyes i know there are professional styles out there but im always going to want to do it funky and having a short hair cut that i cant do what i want with isnt exactly what i want either.

brian asked me a good question and it made me think: do you hate your long hair?

honestly? no. i dont hate it. actually i like it most days, i just dont love it like i loved my short hair. but i dont know that ill even like a cut that i pick just because it professional and not at all what i really want.

so im going to compromise.
dye it dark and get some funky bangs.

like these maybe.

law school is...FUN?!

whoa, i never thought i would see that comin.

last year was a nightmare in many ways, thought it wasnt like hte -night-terror-that-makes-you-want-to-keep-your-eyes-open-forever kind. but it was one i never wanted to go through again.

luckily, you can only be a 1L once. yay!

but now im a 2L, and this is the year that is notorious for making people think they are super human and can do anything. i think i got the sickness.

i am on two competitive teams-moot court and trial ad-the board of a club called Jail Outreach, and the women's law school flag football team. no biggie right? uh wrong. the competitive teams overlap, meaning that one goes from sept through nov while the other one is the whole month of october. how super exciting. so dont get worries if i drop off the face of the earth. lucky for me, brian is busy too, so i dont feel too badly about neglecting my time at home.

but man, i am WORN OUT. im so glad i dont have class next week-YAY!

it doesnt help that brian likes to set three alarms and still somehow depends on me to wake him up for work, esp on days when i was supposed to sleep in...

so long sweet summer...

does that picture not just scream summer? if you say no, you are nuts. this is crystal cove beach at sunset. so my summer is over, but man, it was prolly the best summer ive had in a long time.

as you know if you happen to read my sporadic and spastic posts, i LOVED my externship. fun people and my ideal job. i cant believe i just said that. i actually know what i am going to do with my life, weird. the best part? going to lunch with the attorneys just for fun! its strange, realizing i have friends that are professionals...am i really not a teenager anymore??

my externship ended just in time for my brother Christian to come home from his mission! ugh, it was sooo good to see him and chill with him again. he has a weird accent (still, 2 months later) but he still giggles like my brother.

at the end of july, my whole fam went to our condo in newport beach...aaaahhhhh, i love california. and the beach. and pretty sunsets. and sun. and, and, and...and it was exactly what i needed. it was so much fun! we took surf lessons and hung out at the beach and pool and just enjoyed each others company. the only bummer was that brian had to leave early for work-it was the first time we had been apart since we got married! i missed him so much, and when i came home, he had a dozen roses waiting for me! what a sweetheart-i guess he did miss me after all :)

august was spent catchin up with friends and hanging out in the yard while brian got his portfolio ready. he was in the visual arts BA but wanted to get into the BFA for graphic design and had to work on some stuff. after weeks of sitting on the couch wondering if my talented husband would ever emerge for the cave he was living in, his portfolio was submitted, reviewed and....ACCEPTED! there are only about 18 people in his program so he is super stoked to start school again. of course this means he will go from full time to part time at his job, and a sudden drop in our income, but so be it. one day he will bring home the real bacon. and the steaks. and the ribs. and more steak. mmmm....

besides all the big stuff, we did alot of other fun stuff too. we went camping, to a bees game, to raging waters, to the salt lake, timpanogos, and redlands temples, to a baptism, and just chilled. the way summer was meant to be i think.

now im back in school. and while i was sitting on the couch catchin up on the 7 or 8 shows that i watch habitually [yeah, yeah, i know im a lazy butt], i kept thinking about how i should update the blog but just didnt want to. and now that im busier than ever, i finally do it. i guess i really like my life to be crazy.

just a few pictures....for more, check out my facebook

brian and i on the condo balcony in front of the view of laguna beach

surf lessons...i got up!!

riding the quads up af canyon while camping

me and christian. we havent changed much.

you sir, are in contempt

ok so i know its been a little while, but dude. guys, i needed a break from everything for a little bit. you ever have one of those days when its just crazy and super stressful and you would love to unload by venting to someone but when you have that chance to dump it off, the last thing you want to do it talk about it? thats how i felt last month. a fair amount of law school scandal and the overwhelming pressure of finals left me feeling like i wanted to crawl under a blanket and hide for a week. or in the event of nice weather, lay out and soak up some rays. i did both.

but since that disastrous end of a semester, i have started my summer externship! i am working with the Salt Lake County District Attorneys office and i LOVE it. ive always been a little weirded out by the fact that the gruesome details dont weird me out. if that makes any sense. i feel like the morbid part of me takes over and i cant help but wonder how people get themselves into such messes. but ive learned that every criminal attorney has this morbid fascination. im glad to know im in good company.

anyways, im pretty sure ive found my calling in life. currently in with the special victims unit and i know alot of people couldnt handle it, but i really love it. its painful to watch abusive people hurt the innocent and there is something satisfying and fulfilling about making sure that they dont get away with treating people like that. i know everyone feels passionate about their professions, and im glad i can say the same. i really feel like i can make a difference in this world, even if its a losing battle, and even if its only for a few victims.

anyways, beyond the rambling. i have a new found hatred for fancy schmancy shoes. after two days in pumps, i went and bought 9 buck flats. my dad says that if i had practiced being a girl earlier in life, i would have nearly as many blisters. but little does he know, highheels dont go with sweatpants and hoodies.

destined to be plus sized

Yesterday, I went pants shopping. No only could I not find anything that WASN’T a skinny jean, but nothing fit. At all. I got in my car and cried. Then I went home and ate pecan-carmel turtles.

Actually, I got in my car, cried to myself, cried to my husband, cried to my mom, lamented the fact that Ive already pared down the food triangle to a trapezoid, bemoaned the fewer than 1500 calories I eat a day, and shook my fist at my well planned daily work out.

THEN I ate the turtles.

This is how I solve my weight problem.

for the love of sports

In the last few years, I have learned a couple things regarding my relationship with sports:

1. I may not particularly like [read this, "I may utterly dislike"] the

atmosphere/99% of the people at byu, but I LOVE byu sports. This might be because byu athletics [usually] gives me a reason to be proud of my alumus status; and though they sometimes fall short when it is critical that they perform, I have a deep love for byu sports. Akin to my love of the jazz, seahawks, sharks, and mariners/angels.

2. I am a rabid sports fan in general. I realized this was a little different from most girls when I would spend my saturdays watching multiple football games, when I follow every game for march madness even without a bracket, I insist on recording every part of the olympics, and I am willing to listen to am radio to hear a game in the event I don’t get the tv broadcast and cant find it streaming. I will never be the wife/mother who refuses to allow sports on sundays; I will be the one who throws a superbowl party and buys an unhealthy amount of food to ensure full enjoyability.

While I shouldn’t have been so surprised by this epiphany, considering ive always loved sports, I have realized that an interest has turned into rabid fanaticism.

And, in commemoration of a 17 year first round losing steak….

Rah rah rahrahrah, rah rah rahrahrah goooOOOOO COUGARS!

fatty mcfatterson

A few months ago, I was happy to note that I had not gained any weight since the wedding. Then, my scale did an evil thing. It decided to add 10 pounds. Either my scale was just freaking out and showing the wrong number, or it had been freaking out and showing me the wrong number for the last year and it has finally gone sane again and showed my real [fatty] weight. So between deciding to be gluten-free again and my sudden realization that I weighed about as much as a fat porpoise, I deduced it would be a good time to go to the gym. recently ive been working out quite a lot. Like 4 times a week, a lot. That is how determined I am to be the size of a trim porpoise. Between that and eating rabbit food every day for the last almost 3 months, I had decided a reasonable amount of weight to lose in that time is 5 lbs. Trying not to get my hopes up too much right? WRONG. I have lost no pounds, let alone 5. I have lost no inches either. Lame huh? My mother and my husband say that they can see that ive toned up a bit, particularly in my stomach area, but I feel delusional when I think I look more fit. This is a problem. Not because I feel like I havent lost any weight regardless of how much ive worked out or how much lettuce ive consumed. But because I feel bad about myself, even though I should be happy by the effort ive made, and the fact that im [relatively] healthy. I feel like I look huge, even though im know im actually not. But its hard not to feel depressed when your jeans wear thin in the crotch area from your legs rubbing together, or the fact that you happen to wear the largest size in the store if you decided to buy a reasonably well fitting size that doesn’t result in muffin top. I guess I can just be happy that my husband likes my badonkadonk butt and keep eating healthily and hope that I shrink horizontally.

I wish there was a way for my self-esteem to work out with my fat.

infected with dorkitis

holy crap. february was a BUSY month. i dont know about you, but for me, the older i get, the faster time goes...i was hoping my second 20 years would go as slowly as my first 20, but so far, thats not happening. at this rate, ill be looking at 36 waaaaaay fast than 16, i swear.

first of all, still gluten free. getting more frustrating as social events begin to pop up but oh well...ill just have to shed a tear every time someone suggests we go for pizza.

second-i actually made it onto a team that i tried out for! no no, i didnt suddenly become athletic. but i am i nerd of the highest degree...i made it onto the trial advocacy team! basically, its like a mock trial where you have witnesses and you try to argue your case-there is no "winner" but you go to the next round based on your individual score-and i made it to quarter finals! super stoked but super surprised as well. law and order, here i come.

thirdly, i have completely and unapologetically embarrassed all of my middle school classmates this month. see, my best friend lisa decided that she wanted me to post an old and emabarrassing picture of myself as my facebook profile picture. so she proceeded to send me a bunch of horrendous pictures. not just a few, but her whole collection of pictures from middle school, most of which featured my awkwardness but quite a few that featured other peoples awkwardnesses as well. now i have gotten some flack for this, but i dont care.

i mean, if we did THIS at my wedding....

then why should they be embarrassed by THIS????

thats what i thought.

what a character

i have felt alot of political tension lately. so im not going to post anything political.

instead, here is a comic that i love. and this seems to totally describe the life in law school:

ah yes. character. at this rate, i gonna have too much character. if i dont already, that is

judys mustard chicken

there is never any cooking like your mother's cooking. or your grandmother's, for that matter. my moms side of the family has a rich history: all my great grandparents were full blooded something...italian, polish, danish, lithuanian. and some rich flavors come out of it. one of my childhood favorites was a recipe from my great aunt...so simple, and yet so delish!

my immediate family has a difficult time with certain textures,and mustard, one of the key ingredients in this dish, is one of those that my family doesnt really love. but even with our house full of picky eaters, this dish was a hit...but then, my mom didnt disclose the ingredients...

i hope you like it!

Judy's Mustard Chicken

4 pieces of skin-on, bone-in chicken

6 tablespoons dijon mustard-does not taste the same with yellow mustard

2 tsp. basil

2 tbs. tarragon

1 c. white wine or chicken broth

mix the mustard and herbs together. slather chicken pieces in mixture, leaving some for basting. place chicken skin-side down. broil for 15 mins each side, adding the rest of the mustard mixture to the chicken when turned. remove the chicken from the pan and add the white wine to the pan to create a sauce from the drippings. boil for a minute or two. pour sauce over chicken

serving suggestion: serve with egg noodles or rice and pour some of the sauce over it.

stuck in the cream filling

today, i have no thoughts. ok i have one-im tired.

yesterday, i had some thoughts. i was in church, sitting between two families with 3 small children each. and i couldnt help but think that we don’t exactly fit. not that the people at church shun us, but we are kinda in the middle. we arent working stiffs, we don’t have children, but we are married. we arent under 18 years of age but we are still in school. sometimes i think i relate better to the 16 year olds than the 30 year olds. its a strange place to be, being in an adult situation but having teen interests...like id rather snowboard and go to a [punk] concert than anything else. sure, being a teen was fun and i was sad to turn 20. and im sure that having a family will be great. but right now seems to be the best of both worlds…married to my best friend and fulfilling my dream but still having time to have tons of fun.

so being in the middle could be a good thing. kinda like being the oreo filling between two chocolate cookies. and who doesn’t love that?

hurts so good

so…yesterday i went to the gym. remember how i told you about the fiasco with the fitness center that brians work paid for? well i tried convincing brian to pay for a fancy schmancy gym membership but he made me go to the nasty byu FREE gym first...turns out, they’ve gotten all new machines at byu so we poor students can actually have an effective work out. now, there aren’t nearly as many ellipticals as there would be in a huge gym, but i guess ill just stare awkwardly at the chosen elliptical until its rider abandons it. and i actually got to break in my new workout shoes. see below.

this makes me exceptionally happy. and just like middle school, changing in the locker rooms still makes me excessively uncomfortable…

need a gym buddy and are too poor to get a membership anywhere? let me know!

ode to 2009

after having been married for a year, id like to think that i haven’t changed at all, that im still same ol’ alex. its true, i am. but it is impossible to live for a year with another person without realizing some things, either about yourself, the other person, or about life in general. here are a few things i have learned:

1. i am way more sensitive than i thought i was. maybe im just sensitive to brian…

2. i am ALWAYS cold. i didn’t know this before but apparently brian has lava running through his veins.

3. living with a husband is much preferable to being single…insta-social life!

4. i am anti social. still outgoing, just anti social.

5. i still don’t know how to cook well. not that it matters if im just eating salads all the time…besides, brian seems to like it….

6. boys get way more into their sports than they let on to their girlfriends. as a husband, all bets are off, and you should take all unanchored objects out of arms reach.

7. as much as i love debating, i hate arguing/fighting.

8. i really like being with my family/husband. on my days off, id choose time with them.

9. when we got married, my family didn’t just double-there are 3 kids in my family, in brians there are 6, plus 3 step siblings…so my family quadrupled (and that’s not including the spouses and kids….). basically i have a great family-in-law. i have two new sisters and 4 more brothers, and new grandmas and aunts uncles and cousins that are all awesome. and the evil step-siblings-in-law are pretty awesome too. and i get to be an aunt to some of the cutest kids on this planet. basically, im loved J

10. i have always been a sports fan, but i will forever be caught up on every sport in the world and all the controversies thanks to my nightly sportscenter intake.

11. both brian and i get stressed when the house is a mess…me more so with dishes…

12. sometimes i get grumpy and i don’t know why. i blame birth control.

13. i really like popcorn. like LOVE it. make it about twice a week…old fashioned style in a pot and everything...

14. i am really protective of my brothers…all of them, even the in law ones…i seem to think it is my duty to kick every trashy, game-playing chica to the curb.

15. there are friends, and there are good friends, but not even those that you love most dearly will ever appreciate just how awesome and wonderful your spouse is.

so there they are. some of the things ive learned this year. i thought 15 were boring enough, so i didn’t add any more. 0verall, 2009 was pretty awesome to me i think. better not cross my fingers that 2010 will be just as good…don’t want to get my hopes up….

resolve...dissolve...

so, i realized after my last post that ive just been ranting about law school, and not really talking about any other aspect of my life. while this shows the real balance of my life, i think id rather give the cyber world the appearance that my life is much more balanced and well rounded and less consumed by the library than it, in all reality, actually is.

since it’s the beginning of the new year, i too made some resolutions that i aspire to, but most likely will not, keep.

the first on my list is go gluten free. i did it once (for two years), i could do it again right? WRONG! oh, ive been fabulously good for the last two weeks, but i forgot what torture it is to watch everyone else around me consume mass amounts of pizza while i wolf down a gross (read that: Caesar) salad like its my last meal. see, the thing about gluten free is that if you don’t want to munch on veggies and fruit for the rest of your life, you must cook. and between class and homework, I don’t usually have a ton of time to actually participate in the culinary arts. but since this time around im more equipt to cook on a regular basis (aka. more willing), i think/hope it will go better than last time, and become a lifestyle rather than a burden.

second, im going to work out more. this resolution is already dead to me. i tried going to the gym that brian’s work (a health supplement company) subscribes to for free (instead of hiring people full time and giving them benefits), but it turns out that this health supplement company does not want me getting fit because they have not renewed their subscription to the gym. so, i could pay for the membership for 300$ or I could just go to the really really crappy byu gym for free since im a student…but im resisting. i doubt that resistance will last for long though, since i bought new running shoes just to solidify my resolution and they are calling my name very loudly every time i look in the mirror…

so…those are my major resolutions for the year, along with a few little things that probably have a more eternal affect on my life, but those are just the little things, right? if you have any resolutions, id like to hear them! you offer me some moral support, i just might offer you some homemade gluten free cookies that i may not promise to be utterly delicious...

variations on a familiar theme

ive decided that law school isnt anything to brag about. every one always comments on what a "brainiac" i am but if you know me at all, youll know im not the brilliant, scholarly type. really, law school isnt all that hard. (i havent gotten my grades yet so in about a month, this position may change...) id almost rather just say im going to grad school that open to door to all the false assumptions people make one you let the words "law school" slip out of your mouth. the only difference between grad school in general and law school is the amount of mental and emotional and physical pain you like to endure from day to day. not so keen on self mutilation? go to grad school. want to live in a masochistic house of horrors? law school is the place for you! and so far, this semester promises to painful.

however, there are 3 things that bring me hope that i will survive even better than last semester.

1) i have all female professors. how i managed to do this, I dont know. ok fine, i do know-byu choose my classes for me. but thats makes it even more amazing! for a school with a long heritage of always having more men in the building than women (yes, even on saturdays), it pretty crazy to have gotten all female professors. and they are all pretty neat too. one even looks like velma from scooby doo. while a persons gender doesnt necessarily change their political points of veiw, i think this semester my profs will be more interested in opposing points of view than espousing their own opinions. which will be a nice change in this neo-con environment...

2) i have criminal law this semester...and i heart it already. every class has a ton of reading but its all fascinating to me. its taught by a judge who has a more fluid way of teaching but she likes to encourage debate and discussion, which i always enjoy (well. except when im subject to the idiodic, pointless, and irrelevant musing of some of my more socially inept classmates...). and since criminal law is something that ive always been interested in, double yay.

3) all of my profs are away of our different-than-normal-first-year-second-semester schedule, which has disproportionately more core classes than last semester. beacuse of this, they are all taking it upon themselves to lessen our work load. so instead of having 25 pages of reading per class, it ranges from 6-15 pages of reading per class (minus criminal law though...thats more like 40 pages a night). yay again.

so while this may not sound like much to all of you who are now either writhing uncomfortably because you just realized how easy your life really is, or are now quietly celebrating inside because you are a fellow law student who is trying to catch up to todays reading in your carrel and cannot celebrate outloud, it makes a substantial difference and i might actually get o see my husband sometime in the next 4 months. might. sorry honey, i dont know what time ill be home tonight....